I wrote the following a while ago, but haven’t been able to share it yet. God used my Walk to Emmaus to teach me & remind me of things already taught, things I struggle with living the relationship with Him moment-to-moment. Just a few days after the retreat, I read Jan’s blog post here which brought even more to my mind. I hope that if others out there have struggled similarly, or are struggling, that they will feel free to comment as well!
I found out over the Emmaus weekend that I anticipate God & life too often, instead of living in the moment, trusting God with everything & just relaxing in Him. As Psalm 46:10 commands, Cease striving & know that I am God or in another translation, Be still, & know that I am God.
I strive far too much, & it’s something I am still struggling with. I worry, I doubt, I anticipate. Some of it is mixed with good things — hope, desire to know & experience God more, & to improve as a Christian — but I need to trust God more, & that these will come with that trust & faith in Him, not in over-thinking & over-wanting to grow or experience things that He may not have planned for me or not right now.
In that, I need to focus on GOD ALONE, not the extras that come along with that relationship. This is something I discovered before going to Emmaus, seemingly by accident, though I know it was God rescuing me & teaching me not to trust just any teaching, person or ministry.
Now my desire is to make it about Him & His Word, growing in Him & in discernment & trusting Him with the rest. And that it is about agape love, the unconditional love He has for me, & that I am learning to have for Him.
My relationship with God is such a roller coaster, but that roller coaster is because of my fears, my worries, my condemnation of myself – not something He’s doing! (This realization actually came two weeks after Emmaus.) All in all, I’m tired of the jagged ride of not trusting & resting in God. I need just trust in Him, even when I fear I’m not doing my best in spending time with Him or in His Word. If I keep letting my fears & condemnation get in the way, I’ll never get through the motion sickness of this Christian ride!
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
– Proverbs 3:5-6