Category Archives: From the Heart

Slightly more personal posts sharing my heart to also inspire you in your own relationship with Jesus.

Disappointment to Fulfillment

I want to share something the Lord did today in an encounter I had with Him. I pray that this testimony will bless and inspire you to seek Him for any emotional healing you may have need of. He truly heals the brokenhearted.

This afternoon I spent some time with the Lord, asking Him to reveal things and bring some needed healing to my heart. Mainly I was fighting disappointment, something I have experienced many, many times from childhood until the present. The Lord had been bringing things to the surface for several weeks, pertaining to the friendship aspect of my relationship with Him (versus the Father aspect, etc.) I also had to spend some time forgiving those who had disappointed me, and repenting for my own sin in response that would happen at times.

I found that disappointment was one of two main factors affecting my view of the Lord and others in friendship. Because of many disappointments, I would rarely get my hopes up, because when I would, I’d often be let down again.

So for a few days I’d been riding a wave of disappointment that opened the door to all the thoughts of disappointments from the past. The Lord showed me that the opposite of disappointment is fulfillment. Oddly enough, as I surrendered my disappointment to Him, I was asking Him for an appointment with Him, specifically related to intimate friendship with Jesus.

He filled the broken places with His gold

After giving all my disappointments to the Lord and asking Him to remove every fragment of disappointment from my whole being, I entered into an encounter with the Lord that I saw with the eyes of my spirit man. First I saw my arms, as if opened up, almost the soul part of me, and I saw where the fragments of disappointment once were. The places were empty and many, though not huge.

I then saw two feather quills etching and filling each empty spot with a sort of liquid gold and gold leaf sort of material. I saw that two angels were working meticulously and thoroughly to fill these places with this deposit from the Lord as ordered by Him. Every broken place was mended with His gold and with His love and tenderness.

Suddenly as the vision ended, I felt led to rub each of my arms, one at a time, with my hands. As I did so, words from two parts of a Scripture flooded through my thoughts and I felt it was the Lord Himself speaking it:

“Set Me as a seal upon your HEART, as a seal upon your ARM… Many waters cannot quench this love, nor can the floods drown it.” (Song of Songs 8:6, just as I heard Him express it to me today.)

*HEART symbolizes our love for and devotion to the Lord; ARM symbolizes the works we do (out of love for Him) for His Kingdom.

The Lord showed me that if I set HIM as a seal over my heart and my arm, I will be protected from the disappointments that come in life and the emotions that they can bring. I will also move and do things out of His Spirit’s leading alone. And we know Proverbs 4:23, which reminds us to GUARD our hearts.

Later that evening the Lord also showed me that the gold that has been prophesied to cover my hands as I minister through worship, will come from within me and flow out of me. I suppose He is truly turning my mourning into dancing and my sadness into joy (Isaiah 61:3)! The below verse speaks to exactly how I had been feeling lately, and in this version especially. I pray this blesses you as well.

“Instead of your SHAME you will have a double portion,
And instead of HUMILIATION they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a DOUBLE PORTION in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7 NASB)

Desperately Reaching for God

I think so often the Lord is waiting for me to come to Him, to find myself lost in Him. I fight distractions a lot.

Today I tried so many times to get alone with the Lord in the midst of visiting family as I am needing His refreshing, and each time when I would just get settled in something not ignorable would get in the way.

I’m exhausted. I have been fighting migraine-ish symptoms and a random leg strain I awoke with all day, and I feel overwhelmed.

I am only writing because it helps me release things so I can clear my mind. I have recently realized that worshiping through music and being creative is a gift the Lord gave me that helps me let go of burdens and refreshes me.

I am needy for the Lord, wanting to feel fulfilled in every way needed by Him and His love. Finally… some time, just before I fall asleep, and I pray He will reveal His presence obviously to me.

I am desperate for You, Lord.

He Knows You & Your Days

I do not have everything perfect in my life. I have struggles and sin just like everyone else. Sometimes I get frustrated and lose my patience with those I love, and I react in ways that are not pleasing to God.

Just yesterday I walked through this type of situation. Afterward I became so upset with myself because of how I responded. I put myself in a sort of time-out from God, not even sure He would want to talk to me. Of course I know this is not true, but it was how I felt because of my failure. I was letting the fact that I fell short block out my ability to receive the truth of God’s love for me.

It was hard to hear His voice while dwelling on how I felt like a failure. Though I am growing in leaps and bounds in other areas of my life in God, in this area I sometimes mess up so badly and it causes me pain.

Deep down I know without a doubt that God’s love never changes toward me, and today He spoke to me what I shared above, that He already knew the challenge I was going to face during this season of my life, and He loves me the same. He hears my heart and He knows that I want to please Him even though I failed the day before.

God speaks the same to you too. He sees your heart and He knew every decision you would ever make. He already knew you would be where you are today and He loves you. He has chosen you and He calls you His own beautiful and anointed son or daughter.

So can you relate to this? Share some of your thoughts below.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance,
and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written
before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:16 AMP)

Morning Worship

Oh, Jesus, we arise and greet the day and worship You. We lift Your name, be high and lifted up upon our praises as we love on You! You are worthy, worthy, worthy of our praises!

Father, we bless Your name! So thankful we are for You, our loving and perfect Father who gives good and perfect gifts. You never give us a stone when we ask for You to satisfy us with Your Bread of Life. You are always faithful and You care so deeply for us!

Precious Holy Spirit, how You lead and guide us. You help turn our eyes back to Jesus when they stray or when fear tries to get in the way. We thank You that You help us and comfort us with the love of the Father and the desire of His Son.

We are vessels filled with You, a deposit within that grows continually as we ask the Lord to consume us all the more, and Your fire making us into ministers of God’s flaming fire for His glory and His Kingdom of love, truth and light!

Living for God: The Right Motivation

I want to live as a lover of God in the midst of this world. I want to live the fasted lifestyle* with my focus firmly set on Him in passionate pursuit of knowing Him and His heart.

But I don’t want to be religious or legalistic in my pursuit. I don’t want to do this for the approval of others, whether it is man’s, my own, or even in striving as if I must earn through perfection what God has already purchased for me through His Son. God’s Holy Spirit will help all who desire for the purifying of our hearts and the renewal of our minds in this. I don’t want to live out of the wrong motives. Not at all.

I want my supreme motivation to be LOVE–God Himself, for He truly is Love Himself.

I want to be a lover, not a worker; a daughter who serves knowing she is beloved, not a slave who serves out of fear of punishment.

I want to live as a friend of the Bridegroom, as His Bride who is being made ready and who He says is His beautiful delight and cherished by Him.

He has not left us as orphans who must live striving to earn our place in His eyes as ones accepted as good enough; we do not have to perform for our Father or for people. We are already loved, already accepted, and we always have been loved by God, for we were knit together in love by Him.

He longs to pour out more and more of His affection and revelation into us. Help us, Lord, to open our hearts even if we feel unable to do so, and let Your love heal us of all fear, legalism and rejection.

Deliver me and set me free, heal me of all that needs to be so I can live with the right motivation. My sole purpose is to know Jesus, for this is eternal life. Nothing else will matter in the end. It’s love, relationship… with Him.

Let me live, Lord, for You–for Love Himself–and by Love and His ways, and out of the overflow of Your heart of love. Deposit Your love in me more and more each day so I can love You more and love like You love.

We are created to be loved and to love; we are His beloved, that we may receive love.
God is Love, our Life alive, our sole Reason, our holy All ready to fulfill every need and heal every hurt.

He will fulfill my every longing, for He alone can satisfy.
He will fill every empty place, for He only has the key to my heart.

Listening:
Forerunners with Holy Violent Love by Mike Bickle (teaching series)

Reading:
What Is the Point by Misty Edwards (excellent book fit for anyone!)


*Fasted lifestyle — Voluntarily choosing a lifestyle of simplicity which limits various things in life: food, money or accumulating things, status, recognition, etc. While the rewards are primarily internal and spiritual, they are eternal (Isaiah 58; Matthew 6:18, 9:14–17; John 3:39; 1 Corinthians 2:10) –via Chicago House of Prayer