Tag Archives: disappointment

Hurts and Wounds Within: Hidden Poison

Hurts and wounds lodged within can poison us not only emotionally but physically and in other ways. Hurts within us can also poison those around us.

Hurts and wounds occur when we are wronged, when things don’t play out as we had hoped, or when we are misunderstood. Someone spreads a rumor or speaks negatively about us, we feel pressured to be something, we are mistreated or offended… There are many scenarios. Hurt affects us all at some point or another.

Do you realize that even after the hurt is over and we think we have moved on, that emotional pain can continue to poison us and those around us? Hurts not properly dealt with can poison us with lies and wrong beliefs. They can alter our perception of life, reality, ourselves, the Church, and even God. Continue reading

Disappointment to Fulfillment

I want to share something the Lord did today in an encounter I had with Him. I pray that this testimony will bless and inspire you to seek Him for any emotional healing you may have need of. He truly heals the brokenhearted.

This afternoon I spent some time with the Lord, asking Him to reveal things and bring some needed healing to my heart. Mainly I was fighting disappointment, something I have experienced many, many times from childhood until the present. The Lord had been bringing things to the surface for several weeks, pertaining to the friendship aspect of my relationship with Him (versus the Father aspect, etc.) I also had to spend some time forgiving those who had disappointed me, and repenting for my own sin in response that would happen at times.

I found that disappointment was one of two main factors affecting my view of the Lord and others in friendship. Because of many disappointments, I would rarely get my hopes up, because when I would, I’d often be let down again.

So for a few days I’d been riding a wave of disappointment that opened the door to all the thoughts of disappointments from the past. The Lord showed me that the opposite of disappointment is fulfillment. Oddly enough, as I surrendered my disappointment to Him, I was asking Him for an appointment with Him, specifically related to intimate friendship with Jesus.

He filled the broken places with His gold

After giving all my disappointments to the Lord and asking Him to remove every fragment of disappointment from my whole being, I entered into an encounter with the Lord that I saw with the eyes of my spirit man. First I saw my arms, as if opened up, almost the soul part of me, and I saw where the fragments of disappointment once were. The places were empty and many, though not huge.

I then saw two feather quills etching and filling each empty spot with a sort of liquid gold and gold leaf sort of material. I saw that two angels were working meticulously and thoroughly to fill these places with this deposit from the Lord as ordered by Him. Every broken place was mended with His gold and with His love and tenderness.

Suddenly as the vision ended, I felt led to rub each of my arms, one at a time, with my hands. As I did so, words from two parts of a Scripture flooded through my thoughts and I felt it was the Lord Himself speaking it:

“Set Me as a seal upon your HEART, as a seal upon your ARM… Many waters cannot quench this love, nor can the floods drown it.” (Song of Songs 8:6, just as I heard Him express it to me today.)

*HEART symbolizes our love for and devotion to the Lord; ARM symbolizes the works we do (out of love for Him) for His Kingdom.

The Lord showed me that if I set HIM as a seal over my heart and my arm, I will be protected from the disappointments that come in life and the emotions that they can bring. I will also move and do things out of His Spirit’s leading alone. And we know Proverbs 4:23, which reminds us to GUARD our hearts.

Later that evening the Lord also showed me that the gold that has been prophesied to cover my hands as I minister through worship, will come from within me and flow out of me. I suppose He is truly turning my mourning into dancing and my sadness into joy (Isaiah 61:3)! The below verse speaks to exactly how I had been feeling lately, and in this version especially. I pray this blesses you as well.

“Instead of your SHAME you will have a double portion,
And instead of HUMILIATION they will shout for joy over their portion.
Therefore they will possess a DOUBLE PORTION in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7 NASB)

Holy Addiction

If there is one major lesson I have learned in life, it is that God is the only One who can truly satisfy the desires, needs & longings we have.

Before truly encountering the Lord in my life, I tried to find love & fulfillment in people and in my gifts, but it proved only to pile depression & anxiety on top of the lack of love I felt. Like many of you, I discovered that all other endeavors, addictions & wants lead only to empty fillings & even pain.

Though they may seem to meet our needs for a time, eventually other people and things show themselves as unable to fully meet those deep needs inside our souls.

They are broken cisterns, unable to hold any substance that could ever fulfill us (Jeremiah 2:13). But know that the Lord Himself can truly satisfy & He wants to fill us, no matter how much we’ve failed in the past or present.

Father God wants to bring joy, delight & fulfillment into our lives. He wants to replace our striving to be satisfied elsewhere with a holy addiction to Himself & His presence. He will fulfill you like no one & nothing else can.

But don’t just take my words & read them, go spend some time alone with Him & taste for yourself the pleasures of the love of Jesus. This is one intoxication you will never regret and you can always fearlessly ask for more.

Isaiah 58:11 NASB: “…the LORD will continually guide you, & satisfy your desire in scorched places, & give strength to your bones; & you will be like a watered garden, & like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.”

Joy of a Different Sort

There exist rare moments of quiet joy
That creep into times of trial or pain,
Moments when we know God must be with us
After hours where we felt He was away.

Moments where we feel beautiful or loved
In the loneliness of sheer brokenness,
In the midst of our pain or suffering,
Or in the feeling of our own weakness.

Is this what it means to say,
“I am dark, but You say I am lovely”?

Surely there is a closeness with Jesus
That is felt in trials, brokenness or pain,
A sweet fellowship in which mourning flees
As His joy comes, the light of a new day.