Tag Archives: Personal

You’re All I Want

Lord, I don’t care so much anymore about the details, the music, the methods, about whatever goes into doing church. I want only to be at Your feet, lying with my face at Your feet. I want to let my tears of brokenness for the Church, my ache for the unity needed, my gratitude for Your grace, my frustration at anything or anyone who isn’t rightly motivated for You & You alone.

I’m tired, I’m weary. All I know is I just want You, time alone with You away from all the things of life that are distracting me. I don’t want to just play church. Church! Usual is over. (Someone at a worship gathering Saturday night shared that the Lord spoke this to them recently.)

I’m done with formalities, so-called traditions & intense scheduled-ness! You can’t put God in a box or hold Him to time constraints. He is outside of time.

I’m done with everything “as usual” — life, church & even me. I only want You, so engulfing me that I can’t even breathe anything of myself & only You & what You ordain.

I want to partner with You, & I want to see others do so as well. I want to be at Your feet, worshiping You in spirit & in truth, in tears of joy or tears of heartache. No matter my weaknesses, may I be found worshiping You all the more because You love me no matter what. I want to pour out my love upon You even when I have nothing of worth to offer except that which You Yourself have given me.

I’m done with anything that isn’t of You. I don’t want to be poisoned by anything contrary to Your heart. I just want You, to be at Your feet on my face! I just want You!

God’s Involvement Is So Obvious (Yet I Miss It)

Sometimes God’s will for our lives when we need to be sure of it is right in front of us; yet in my current experience, instead of seeing it, I have felt like I must have an excessively obvious response about the situation.

The answer is right in front of me, yet I miss it completely, oblivious to it! I forget about all the things the Lord has been doing to lead me up to this very time, preparing me & providing the experience necessary to take on what comes my way. He doesn’t prepare us in vain, providing experience for nothing!

I think part of it is that I didn’t see His will playing out like this in the least, & honestly still don’t want it to. Not that there isn’t or isn’t going to be good in all this, because God’s Word stately clearly that there is. Yet it isn’t an easy time for many of us, & I don’t think it is going to get easier just yet.

In fact, it can at times get worse in some ways, as often things sometimes do before the turn around comes. It can be challenging, it can be fatiguing both physically & emotionally. It will be a time to trust the Lord in His all-knowing & perfect path for all of us here. It will be a time of growing trust & faith, & being drawn closer to God through it all.

I’d been praying for my faith & trust in You to be made stronger, & it is surely happening. Nonetheless, I’ve failed in some ways, so apparent in my usual worrying about both the present & future, revealing my absolute need to put my trust & faith in You more! & still, this is something that will take continual prayer & constant surrender & casting my cares upon God in all things.

To end this positively… I thank God that He is faithful to all He loves, & that in revealing His will in any aspect of our lives — large or small — He will continue to prepare, equip & provide for us in whatever need we have.

God doesn’t at all leave us to fend for ourselves, giving us direction & leaving us on our own. No! He is our strength when we are weak, He is our Everything when we feel we have nothing, & what we already have is what He Himself has so graciously & lovingly provided!

My Favorite Way of Expression

Music for me, is an overflow of my heart & spirit, an unhindered expression of my love for the Lord. It is an overflow of thanksgiving & love to our Father God who gave His beloved Son Jesus to take away all of our sins, guilt, and shame. Such an overflow of love that can never begin to truly express enough thanks to my Lord & Saviour.

I love to write & sing & play melodies of thanks & love to Him, to God who has done so much in my life even though I could never deserve it. & those times when I feel most in pain, most worthless or unloved, His Word says that He loves me unfailingly just as I am. I have to choose to believe His Word, His grace & His love, especially during these more difficult times. I have to choose to take Him at His Word, & remind myself of His love for me even more during the harder moments.

I don’t even know if I’ve got all complete sentences here. :) It’s that overflow happening again, yes, yes it is.

Memories Made Beautiful

As a now intensely passionate follower of Christ, I realize in a new way why my grandmother never let anything stop her from expressing her love of Jesus Christ. How she used to sing, shout praises to Him, share Him with anyone she met without caring what anyone thought of it (I remember countless times in the grocery store with her, always feeling embarrassed by how seemingly loudly she proceeded to share the Gospel with the clerk that particular day)!

She didn’t care how she sounded when she sang, it didn’t matter if she was having the most joyful of days or the most depressing of days as she sang or shouted through smiles or through tears. The passion she had for our God was ever radiant in her face, the Holy Spirit sparkled in her eyes, Jesus’ love and saving grace poured out from her own heart.

As I remember all these times, I wish I hadn’t been there feeling embarrassed by her proclamation of Jesus’ love in the supermarkets. Instead I now would’ve liked to have been declaring God’s love along with her. You see, I wasn’t a Christian then; however, now that I am a Christian—one who can’t thank God enough for saving my life in so many ways and blessing me in many others—God has given these memories of my grandmother a new and deeper meaning.

I think back to these memories now, feeling Jesus’ love in my own heart and the presence of the Holy Spirit in my own life, and tears of joy fill my eyes. I can hear her now chanting, Happy, happy, happy! (as she often did when overjoyed when she was still on this earth) in response to my ever-growing faith and passion for God. I can imagine how her heart must burst forth with praises to our Almighty God in celebration and thanks that I’ve been saved and forever changed by His love, grace and mercy.

Her prayers for me – for my salvation – have been answered; and even though it only came after her death (at which time I feel was the beginning of God’s softening of my then-hardened heart), I know she must rejoice every moment alongside the angels in Heaven at my new life in and love of Christ, and I look forward to the day when I can see her again, and rejoice along with her and worship our redeeming King forever in Heaven.

Thank You, Father, for making these memories beautiful in Your love and grace. Thank You for my grandmother, who never gave up on me, even when she left this earth to be with You in Heaven. I love You, God! I thank You, Jesus!

They Just Stood Waiting for Something, Someone

More than just the usual handful of us were left hungry for God after worship on Sunday. It was an exciting day of services for me as I awaited God’s answer to many of our prayers. (By the way, we have a morning ‘traditional music’ worship service, bible study classes, and then a second morning service of more contemporary worship music.)

Our worship pastor taught a great sermon on the core elements involved in worship (core as an acronym, which was unplanned by him but not unplanned by the Lord! Maybe something for another entry…) This sermon we thought was much needed. It also made the service different for a change with music interspersed throughout to illustrate his points as well as engage the congregation into these elements of worship by actually doing them! Then, after a final worship song and a prayer during the contemporary service in particular, the congregation was dismissed, but all just stood there, waiting for something… Someone! :)

In response, we launched into another song (that was originally planned anyway), and for possibly the first time in our church (at least since I’ve been there), there was the energy of the worship of God pouring through onto the platform from the congregation. Usually, this ‘worship energy’ comes from the platform and stops at some sort of invisible wall that seems to be up, but not this time! The energy of the Spirit of God filled the place and all in it who were truly worshiping!

Our God is faithful, so faithful! What an answer to prayer! I look forward to what He continues to do in the people of our church, and then as His love pours out from our hearts into our community and city! This was definitely a turning point in our church, and we can only thank God for it as He begins to do a mighty work in our church!